Learning to say noPosted: September 26, 2012
Remember my wedding worries? Well just this weekend I heard a very good friend of mine is having a baby (yay!!!) and after the initial excitement, I had to do something important. I had to tell myself “no”. I love babies and I love being able to do nice things for friends, so what I really wanted to do was throw her a baby shower. But honestly, right now, that would be just too much. I can only stretch my money so thin-plus my sanity. Part of what makes it so hard to tell myself no is that she’s my bridesmaid and will be throwing me my shower.
So it’s a partial “she’s throwing my shower and I want to throw hers” and a partial “I love my friend and want to make sure she has an awesome shower” mix of thoughts that was going through my head. (Not going to lie, it’s still going through my head) I kicked around trying to squeeze more money out of my budget but realistically? I know short of getting a second job, I can’t. And trust me, I’m keeping an eye out for a second job or a side gig but in my small town, choices are limited and the money I would earn, I’d want to put towards debt or my wedding. Yes, it’s a choice I’m making to not work at a fast food place and I’m okay with that. I know that if I really needed to, I would but….I just don’t want to. My time is worth more to me than that.
Instead, I’m trying to tell myself to just be an awesome friend-talk more on the phone (no lie, I’m horrible at this), make sure to see her when I can and, well, by her some awesome baby shower gifts. Okay, I don’t have to do that last part but I’m claiming her baby as my future niece or nephew so I’m going to try. It might come out of my personal money but I’m okay with that! (And wow, I have a lot of “pretend” nieces/nephews)
I did tell her that I didn’t think I could host her shower-I’m not sure if that was rude or tactless. I’m horrible with social niceties sometimes so I just came out and said “I’d love to host your shower but I’m not going to be able to at this point. But let me know who is going to throw it.” See, it seems rude now that I see that written out but at the time…well, I can’t and I wanted to see if she knew who was going to throw her shower. My thought process on this is that while I can’t host, maybe I can do something-buy balloons, help decorate, bake a cake, etc.
I will say this: telling myself that I cannot host was hard. But I also know that I can’t hurt my budget and not be able to pay my bills because I want to help out a friend. So, yay for growing up?