Wedding Worries

mmmh cake-and wedding cake has ZERO calories (true story)

My fiancé and I use the same computer from home so when I grabbed the computer to check my face book (which I’m on rarely anyways and need to get better about this!), I happened to see his cousin was engaged.  I asked him if he had noticed and dropped the subject.  The next morning he brought up the fact that he hoped that his cousin wasn’t going to get married next year on our wedding day and went to check her page. (I think he’d had a dream about both weddings having ended up on the same day at the same time) Apparently it’s this November.  Um okay, now I kind of hope we aren’t invited to the wedding. Is that horrible?

My reasons:  we need a few months to budget things out.  Money is tight right now (our own doing but we want to save for the potential move, our wedding, debt and just to save of course) so it’s going to take some tricky maneuvering to be able to budget a gift (which as we gave his other cousin $100, I would think we need to do the same amount-they are in the same family).  And of course, do we have suitable clothes? I do but most of his clothes state the company that we work for—probably not awesome attire.  Then we need to figure a way out there.

Plus if we do budget in the money for the gift, it’s always hard to let it go as its money that could have gone towards our wedding! (Oh that just sounds greedy now)

Of course, this could all be worries for nothing.  And I could be over thinking everything anyways. We might not be invited and would therefore not have to worry about it.  I just don’t want to offend his family as our wedding is coming up.   So it’s this weird thought process that keeps going through my head of worries that shouldn’t even be in place yet.

Eventually we want to have a gift fund in place for things like this but that’s relatively low on the list right now!

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37 Comments on “Wedding Worries”

  1. Hey don’t get yourself down! I stress over stuff like that all of the time. Family events are expensive but unfortunately social customs require us to spend a lot more than we’d like. Good luck with your budget sleuthing to come up with the money.

    • bogofdebt says:

      I might go in on a gift with my future inlaws which will be handy. Apparently they are getting married on a Friday at 4:30 so we wouldn’t be able to attend due to work constraints.

  2. addvodka says:

    Weddings are so expensive to attend. I don’t want to go to one for another decade. It’s also the bridal shower gift, goign to the stag/stagette.. it adds up!

    • bogofdebt says:

      Thankfully I don’t have to worry about that part for this wedding and only one of my close friends will be getting married sometime in the next year or two. But she knows to give notice 🙂 They aren’t engaged yet so no worries

  3. Do they live far from you? When you have to travel a long ways to a wedding…that’s when the costs add up!

    • bogofdebt says:

      They live far enough away with that with our car sitatution we would have to find a ride. I think I’m happy that it looks llike we won’t be going and instead will be going in cahoots on a gift that we’ll send.

  4. John S @ Frugal Rules says:

    Family situations can always, in general, be difficult when it comes to money. Especially when you’ve done one thing for someone else in the family and others might expect the same. I love the idea of a gift fund for things like this, but I agree its priority is lower than other things.

    • bogofdebt says:

      Exactly what I was thinking with the gift idea. I think it might be a tad different with this one as they weren’t living together for a few years (the other couple was so had everything they really needed) and this is a lot shorter notice. So we might just go in cahoots on a gift that we send. I can’t wait until we can get a gift fund set up though!

  5. I’m sure as newlyweds they will understand if you can’t swing it. I’m sure a nice gift will do anyway, and if you guys aren’t super close it should be ok. Just talk to them about it.

    • bogofdebt says:

      I’m waiting to see if we get invited still (which hpefully we would find out here pretty soon as it’s coming up soon) but will most likely just send them a nice gift that we’ll go into cahoots on.

  6. I love problems that work themselves out before you even hit “publish” 😉

  7. Gillian says:

    It’s unfortunate that weddings come with such a big price tag (both attending one and having one). I think going in on a gift with your in-laws is a great idea !!

  8. The only reason wedding cake has 0 calories is because the bridge and groom rarely get to eat any of it except the bit they shove all over each others faces! :p

    Could you bs something about not being able to get out of work that weekend? Or something? That way the only expense would be the gift….it’s not ideal, but I’ve had to do this before when it was the truth. Especially with it being THIS November…they have to be aware that some people won’t be able to make it happen. Maybe that’s part of the plan to keep the guest # low lol.

  9. Just wait until you get married, then you’ll have about three years of wedding gifts that you can regift. That sounds cheap, but we got so many towels and picture frames, etc. There was no way you could use them all. I secretly believe there is a set of towels that are generations old that just keep getting passed around, kind of like the Christmas fruitcake!

    • bogofdebt says:

      Haha! Right now, I wouldn’t mind getting some towel…okay yeah I lied, I have two sets of towels so don’t really need any. But that’s a great idea about regifting!

  10. Well, it sounds like you hardly know them if you didn’t even know they were getting married in less than 2 months! I say ask your mom, dad, or any siblings if they were planning on getting them anything, then ask if they’d like to go in on a gift. Not tacky at all and you should be able to spend a lot less that way.

    • bogofdebt says:

      Apparently the guy wasn’t even thinking about it at Christmas time (was when we last saw them) and just decided to do it farily recently. Only a few months after her brother got married. I think we’re going to go in a gift and just send it.

  11. Jason @ WSL says:

    we had to skip my cousins wedding a few years ago because we weren’t in the financial position to afford to go. I don’t think you should worry too much about what gift you can give or can’t. I’m sure they’d understand.

  12. mycanuckbuck says:

    Ah yes – I remember the year we were planning our wedding. WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE. 🙂 It’s okay to decline or get an inexpensive gift – I’m sure they’ll understand. We declined a few invites b/c we didn’t want to have to invite more people to our wedding!

  13. I always hope I never get invited to weddings. LOL! I don’t like going unless it’s a destination wedding and I have the money for it. Then it’s fun.

    • bogofdebt says:

      I’ve only been invited to 2 weddings so far-one I was in college and had to do nothing for (bridesmaid that time) and the other, I just attended as a guest. Knock on wood about no back to back weddings like I’ve read about!

  14. If they’re a true friend they won’t be worried about the gift. Your presence should be gift enough and they should understand your’e going through some rough financial times AND trying to pay for your wedding!

  15. Allison says:

    Well it sounds like everything is going to work out okay, but the first paragraph made me laugh – because I was worried that my cousin was going to screw up my wedding date!

    He got engaged about a year before Ryan and I were planning to get married, and my first thought was “he better not want to get married the same time as us!” (He lived in a different state and was planning to get married near his wife’s family, across the country). They ended up picking a date 3 weeks after ours, so it worked out okay. It was a little crazy for his immediate family (he had a tiny ceremony with only immediate family and closest friends), but they were able to work it out well in advance 🙂

    • bogofdebt says:

      Wow that is a pretty tight range still though! I’m really glad that I don’t have to worry about this (knock on wood). My potential flower girl (our neice from his sister) has a birthday 3 days before the wedding is the only thing I can think of 😉

  16. This is such a timely post! I’ve had to forgo attending some weddings of family and friends the past year because I just don’t have the money, which has been hard, but since I’ve gotten serious about my debt I realized that I can’t put all of that on my credit card. Although, my bestest friend is having a destination wedding at a fancy resort in Puerto Rico in January, but due to the plane tickets and the $600/night, we’re just not going to be able to swing it. It’s tempting though.

  17. […] Wedding worries by Bog of Debt. I remember the year of planning my wedding as insane stressful. Bog has my sympathies. […]

  18. mrsplungedindebt says:

    We had to skip a good friends wedding this summer. It was out of province and would have cost a small fortune to attend (just to get there, gas/travel/hotel would have set us back 500 bucks). I called her and explained in all honestly it was her wedding or the tires our vehicle would need to pass safety. I didn’t want to go and feel terrible the whole time knowing we couldn’t afford to be there, not to mention we’d have a newborn with us so couldn’t really have reception fun anyway!

  19. I remember planning for my wedding (do not make me recount the cost) and even though we could afford it, I hated spending the money. And when other things came up? Bah. Don’t stress though!

  20. […] let me be honest.  I’m a worrier by nature (read about wedding worries and baby showers issues) and will stress myself out over the oddest of things.  I’ve woken up in […]


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