Words of Wisdom

Something I touched upon in my post about financial mistakes after college  was the regret I didn’t try to move closer to home and transfer work places when my mom was diagnosed.  I don’t regret the hours I missed from work or the hours I visited her.  I don’t regret that I spent money I didn’t have-both to make her comfortable and to make sure I could visit her.  How could I? It was my mom and she was sick.  I only have a fleeting regret for not seeing if I could move back.

On one of my visits with my mom, I was staying up late and watching a movie with her and we got to talking.  I asked her if she had any regrets or mistakes that she wished she hadn’t made.   She held my hand and said “How could I? If I hadn’t made my choices or those mistakes, my three beautiful children might not be here and I wouldn’t have held my grandsons. Don’t ever regret a choice-you made it, learn what you can from it and be thankful. Yes it might have been a mistake but you’re you because of choices you made and mistakes you made.”   This is from a woman who married my dad, lived a life of poverty for the most part and didn’t marry the successful lawyer instead.

I’ll share a story I’ve known ever since I was little-I’d always loved hearing this story as it goes to show some of the strength my mom had.  Before I was born, my dad had just lost his job and they had very little money coming in. It was right before Thanksgiving and my dad became very saddened that he couldn’t supply a turkey and all the fixings for their dinner.  All they had on hand were some loafs of bread.  My mom, not to be deterred, made a Thanksgiving feast out of the bread.  She made “peas, baked potatoes, stuffing, and a turkey” out of mini bread sculptures.  And cheered my dad up in the process because she didn’t care about the lack of the Thanksgiving feast as she had everything she wanted.  Turns out that my grandpa stopped by and gave them a small feast after the fact but it wouldn’t have mattered to her.

I don’t regret my choices that made me who I am today.  Do I wish I hadn’t done them? For the most part no—if I hadn’t, would I be where I am at today? Would I have gotten into blogging? Would I be engaged to my fiancé?  Probably not.  Yes, once in a while I want to go back in time to talk to younger me, but I get over that thought pretty quickly.  All I have to do is think back to that late night conversation.   Instead, I am learning from my mistakes and hoping others don’t make the same ones that I did.


31 Comments on “Words of Wisdom”

  1. Michelle says:

    I agree with you. Regret isn’t good for anyone and a person shouldn’t feel regret about something that they’ve done in the past. There’s nothing you can do to change it, just improve.

  2. I love this post!

    I totally agree. I wasted a lot of time dating losers. But if I hadn’t, life probably wouldn’t have led me to my amazing husband who is my soulmate. If I hadn’t married him, I wouldn’t have my two children that I love more than life itself! I made a lot of financial mistakes too but I have more than made up for them over the years. You are very right. A mistake is only a mistake if it doesn’t provide a lesson or lead you to where you want to be.

    Have a great day!!!

    • bogofdebt says:

      Thank you! That’s why, while of course upset about past things (I wasted this much time on this person, spent this much money on this, etc, etc) I try not to dwell on them. If I hadn’t made those choices, my life could have gone in totally different ways. So I’m thankful in a weird way!

  3. Yeah regret really is a waste of time. You can’t change the past. If you reflect, you can always learn from it though…make better choices for present and future.

  4. Money Beagle says:

    Well I guess if I made a decision that turned out to be bad, then went ahead and did it again, I’d probably regret that I didn’t learn from my mistakes 🙂

  5. Great post. I’ve made some smack myself on the forehead “DOH” moves… but if I’d not married my first husband, I wouldn’t have my two kids. I’d have never met my current husband, who is my best friend. Life would be different – and I like my life. Regrets? Not really. Learning experiences? For sure!

    • bogofdebt says:

      Great phrase to describe mistakes-learning experiences! Thank you for that. And yes, funnny enough, if I hadn’t been with my ex I wouldn’t have met my current fiance (even if it was a convoluted way)

  6. Your mother is a very wise woman and those moments when they share words of wisdom are priceless. You are very fortunate to have her in your life!! My grandmother was the one in our family to share words of wisdom.

  7. I love your mom!! This story made me tear up a little bit. There have been times in the past that I have felt like giving up…and I don’t know if I were the one with only bread for Thanksgiving if I would have bucked up and given my husband the best Thanksgiving regardless…or if I would have just cried and pouted about it til my own parents bailed us out. I want to try to be more like your mom when things happen. Thank you for sharing this!

    • bogofdebt says:

      It made me tear up writing it! I told my mom when I was little and I told her again before she passed away that I wanted to be like her when I grow up–she was an extremely wise woman. I’m kicking around doing a post once a month or so about something she said or did just to pass on some of her wisdom to others.

  8. lkrant says:

    Great points. How can you regret a choice you made? We make choices all the time and some are good and others are not. Do I regret any of my choices? No!

    • bogofdebt says:

      For the most part, I don’t. Fleeting thoughts of what ifs maybe but I know I wouldn’t be the person that I am today without having made those choices I did.

  9. kathleen says:

    I don’t know what you’ve done this week, but your writing is SO GOOD — keep it up!

  10. I don’t know the whole story, so forgive me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like she chose love over money. And that is always beautiful.

    • bogofdebt says:

      That’s exactly what she did. It’s something I always admired about her as even the last time she went home to visit people, she heard about that lawyer she never married.

  11. Regret doesn’t do anything positive. As a Christian, I see my mistakes being used for good all the time. Of course I wouldn’t want to make those mistakes again, but if I can help guide someone away from those same mistakes because I went through it already, it turns out to be a positive thing. Your mother sounds like a beautiful woman.

  12. Your mum sounds amazing! My mum is the strongest woman I know. She could have her face next to the word loyalty in the dictionary and annoyingly she always seems to be rightI Like you I know i’ll do whatever I can to repay that loyalty when the time comes and I try not to forget that sad eventuality in my day to day life now!

  13. […] Bog of Debt – Words of Wisdom […]

  14. […] Bog of Debt has no regrets, and neither should you. One of the lessons that her Mom taught her was to live life with no regrets. […]

  15. […] Bog Of Debt talks about her mother in her post “Words of Wisdom“. […]

  16. iwtkangaroo says:

    Great post. Just got to move on and learn from your mistakes. 🙂

  17. […] to share some things I learned. I’ve already shared her words of wisdom concerning mistakes here.  But I learned  a lot from her-some of it was recognized while she was alive and […]

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