3 different views on money and relationships


I don’t normally like to talk about things when they involve friends of mine but this was too interesting for me to pass up.  And honestly, I’m not bad mouthing anyone.

Couple 1: Why this would be myself and my guy.  We do pool our money and everything else really.  For some examples: we clean the house on Sunday.  We don’t fuss about it and we both just clean—we don’t have specific chores, we just do it.  I tend to do more laundry than he does but I also tend to avoid the garbage duty so it evens out.  It’s not something that we have to really talk about, we know it needs to get done and we do it.  Dishes are done every day after dinner because we don’t have that many dishes and we don’t have a lot of counter space.

When it comes to finances, I am the one who creates the budget but I still talk to him about it before each week before it comes into play.  We both discuss what our goals are and where we want to be—no hidden purchases or anything.  (Okay gifts are obviously excluded from that statement)  As I said, we do pool our money and we don’t really worry about who is paying for what.  But we also get our own personal money and get to spend that as we want.  That’s helpful—I tend to save mine and he does tend to spend his quicker.   This way there is no arguments-we each get spending money and we also have a little bit of house money normally that we both confer on.

Couple 2: friends of ours.  They do not pool their money or chores.  They split everything down the middle.  It’s almost funny to see dishes wait until the person whose turn it is finally is able to do them.  They have a very “well I did this last time, now it’s yours” type of relationship.

As I said, they split everything down the middle.  Everything is split down the middle and paid as such.  If a bill is paid before one of them has the money, the other one will pay it but is owed for that.  So it’s always kind of funny to hear “you owe me this much but I owe you that much so it really means that you owe me blank amount.” It’s almost confusing listening to them.

Couple 3: Friends of ours as well.  These people do things so that the finances are pooled but they do things where it seems as if one person is constantly cleaning.  Which wouldn’t really work with me—I like a clean house but I detest cleaning by myself.  But it works for them.

Now, there finances are kind of funny.  She saves and he spends—it’s very similar to how my guy and I were originally.  She does the budget but he kind of ignores it.  They aren’t broke per se but I do know that they have to finagle things around.  Like I said—very similar to how we used to be.  I did suggest that they do personal money but I guess it is too much like an allowance.  Which it is but I think it’s worth it.  But it’s not my finances so I try to keep out of it.

So there you have it, three different couples and three different approaches to home life and money.  I’m not saying that our way is the right way; instead I’m saying that our way works the best for us.  How do you do finances and your home life?


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16 Comments on “3 different views on money and relationships”

  1. We split our finances and he does most of the cleaning. I hate cleaning!

  2. My boyfriend is long distance, so we only spend a few days together at a time. I was thinking about how things would work, and I think either I would clean or he would pay someone to do it.

  3. I’m very fortunate because my BF helps a lot and does a lot of the manly chores – garbage, cleaning outside, car maintenance, cleaning garage, fixing things. I usually do the dishes, laundry, dog stuff, vacuuming, bathroom. But he helps me with a lot of it too. He is not one to just watch me do all the work. Now for finances, I like to be much more organized than him because I’m more detail oriented and I like taking the time to scrutinize every detail. I’m not sure how often he checks his bank accounts, etc but I check mine almost daily.

    You should write a post about how you guys pool your money and how it works for you. I’d be interested to know. Do you like it even though you guys aren’t married??? Or are you married?

    I’m trying to figure out how to do it from one joint account but also to have our separate checking accounts and credit cards.

    • bogofdebt says:

      Not married yet–sometime next summer though :). Right now I don’t even have a bank account but I know all his details–because like you, I am the organzied one and all that. I’m pretty sure I have something started as a post–but I don’t remember if I posted it or just started it. I’ll have to check!

  4. The Happy Homeowner says:

    We don’t live together, so there’s no sharing of money/chores. We do try to split most things, but he will also take me to dinner more because he makes boatloads more than I do and has no non-mortgage debt (I have student loans). When it comes to cleaning, I’ll help him in his apartment because I’ll barter cleaning for a free dinner out…haha!

  5. I always find it interesting to see what other couples do to manage their finances. Me and my BF are sort of like couple #2. Basically we keep all our money separate, and whatever we buy together (groceries/household items) we split. As for joint bills (internet/cable/rent/utilities) he pays for it all upfront then I pay him back whatever my half is. We pay off/split all costs on one day at the end of each month, then it’s done, no more bother. For us it works, we’ve never had any arguments over finances because once all those things are paid off, our money is our own money so we can spend it however we want without the other having any say. Plus it also helps we’re both pretty frugal, don’t usually make big expensive purchases, or can’t afford to pay our half of the bills each time. Great post!

    • bogofdebt says:

      Thank you! I think you guys do a much better job at it then couple #2–neither one are very frugal so the “you owe me’s” can go on for awhile. I don’t know if they’ve ever been clear. Or if they were, it wasn’t for very long.

  6. My wife and I keep our money together. I manage everything financially, she manages the house. I come home and she tells me the things she needs me to do. Glad she loves me so much because I don t have too many of the bad jobs. Mostly take out the trash, take down the laundry, grab the basket and bring up the clothes, can u watch the kids while i make dinner.

    • bogofdebt says:

      The taking out the trash is a big thing with me–for some reason I really dislike it. It is my least favorite chore. I prefer cleaning the bathroom over that but we take turns doing that.

  7. Dani says:

    I think me and my BF are somewhat like Couple #2. We split rent, but I pay for cable and he pays for electric (around the same amount). Everything else we pretty much split as well. We don’t pool our money. I have student loan debt, and he doesn’t have any debt, so he has more money to “play” with. We also keep our own budgets (well kind of,… I work with one, he doesn’t). As for chores, he cooks, I clean. He also irons and makes lunches, so though it may seem like I’m always doing dishes or laundry or whatever, he may actually do a little more of the housework than I do! But I also commute 4 hours everyday, and he commutes 20 minutes, so I guess that’s the tradeoff!

    • bogofdebt says:

      Wow 4 hours for a commute. I’m so happy I have my little 5 minute one. If it wasn’t for me, I think my guy would not have a budget–if everything got paid, he would be happy to spend everything else. (well, at one point as he’s now getting more into the saving game)

  8. Emily R. says:

    Before we were married we were in couple #2 territory. We didn’t live together so obviously chores were each person’s own responsibility and our money was separate. From time to time of course we would help each other out with no reciprocity expected, for instance if we were jointly throwing a party we would work together to clean the host’s apartment.

    After we got married everything become 100% joint, but we do have segmentation in what each of us is responsible for. On the finances front, my husband pays our only non-automated bill and I keep close track of Mint to make sure our spending matches our budget and that we’re saving enough for our goals. There’s no secret spending or allowances – we just decide together what purchases need to be made. On the household front, I do more of the day-to-day picking up of dishes and clothes and such and he does more of the less frequent deep cleaning like bathrooms, trash, and vacuuming. I really prefer this balance as I don’t like the dirtier jobs as much and my husband has a higher tolerance for clutter so he would leave dishes and things around for days.

    • bogofdebt says:

      My BF could let clutter build up as well. Maybe it’s a male trait? He always asks if I want it his clean or my clean and I always have to tell him my clean.

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