I’ve got a secret to tell you:

Sometimes I don’t find myself to be very nice.  Are you in shock? Are you thinking that I must be crazy as I’m one of the nicest people ever? (Ok that last sentence was probably a slight exaggeration)   Well I’m not.  I try to be. I found that something that drives me bonkers is other people and their finances.   (This reminds me of the post over at Sooverdebt by Andrea –an amazing writer by the way. You should check her blog out if you haven’t already!)

For instance, everyone wants to go out and go to clubs, go to bars, go to concerts.  I want to too! But I can’t.  Well I could—but it wouldn’t be very smart financially.  And sometimes, even though I love my friends, I have to wonder about their priorities.  Some of them are doing all that and I don’t know how—but it normally doesn’t bother me besides the jealous twinge I get.  What does bother me is people telling me in one breath “I’m broke” and then in the other breath (is that even correct grammar?) asking if I want to make plans to go to a concert or some other thing that will cost me money.   Drives me crazy.  Do I know all the details? No but I still don’t like it.  I don’t understand how a person can tell me they are flat broke, not able to pay bills and then make plans to go to *insert event*.  Have I done this? Probably—most likely—alright, yes, I have. But I’ve moved on.  But maybe they haven’t.

So I feel that makes me “not nice” as my nephew would say (he was taught to say that phrase instead of saying “you’re a jerk” or “you’re being mean”).    Do I let it interfere with our friendship? No.  It’s their money not mine (if it was mine it would be a whole other story).   Do I make subtle offers of help? You bet—“hey I’ve gotten pretty good at doing budgets. It allows us to have fun and to save/pay off debt”.  Does it mean that they will take me up on it? Of course not, but it does make me feel a bit better.  (A point I should make—I make those subtle offers of help when I’m not driven bonkers about the situation as I would then not be subtle.  Subtle and I don’t always go hand in hand—I go through the bush more often than I beat around it.)  Mostly, I’m told that it’s great that I can do that and the subject is dropped. I’m okay with that.  I have to be if I value that friendship and I do.  I try not to become that crazy side of me that I don’t like very much (mainly because I don’t like to be too harsh on people—I don’t know the full story after all) and I succeed most of the time. Still, I’ll keep on trying to be nice—and I keep my opinions to myself to follow that old rule “if you can’t find something nice to say…” Also a key part of it: it’s their finances and their priorities. Not mine.  Gotta keep that in mind.  Anyone else do this?

*P.S. I do appreciate the fact that I am invited by friends to do things–I want to make that clear (it means they’ve thought of me)


3 Comments on “I’ve got a secret to tell you:”

  1. amyleebell says:

    I have major issues with this, but mostly because people always come to us to borrow money. And then I start thinking about the Jack-in-the-Box meal they brought in with them, while I am stuck eating ramen, just so I can pay my debts off faster. Sure, I have the money in the bank, but I’d rather pay a bigger chunck of my debt (hence why I’m eating ramen in the first place) than loan the money to them so they can blaze through their paycheck without having to worry about their bills. The last time this happened, I did offer to help them with their budget. I don’t get angry with them, and they always pay me back (right now, no one owes us anything), but I do tend to shake my head everytime they go out and buy a new video game or something else they don’t need.

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